Winter news

Hello everyone,

Last week I couldn't go to the studio very often. I was very happy to be at the studio yesterday and be able to do practice with a group and teacher. It's different when you practice at home and it's different when you have this group energy available and obviously different when you have a teacher. Although home practice surely has a lot of value, I like to go to the studio so much. It's a place I like to be. I had one place like that before, which was my school, Merce Cunningham Studio. It was a place to be. But, I'm not in New York anymore, and even if I was, there is no Merce Cunningham studio anymore.
First I would like to share with you a video that Kino MacGregor posted on her YouTube channel. It's a Q & A with students, it's an hour long and it's super interesting and thought provoking.
See for yourself here.
Kino MacGregor talk

First encounter with handstand (or standing on your hands :)
Yesterday I had some adventures during practice. First, after Virabadrasana B, I wanted to go down , step back and just lower to Chaturanga. But the teacher said I should try to hop, I just didn't know how :) it turned out i should go to sort of not full handstand, and then drop flat to Chaturanga. She assisted me so quickly i actually didn't have time to think, which was great, because after I started to think about my toes and stuff, but then I think maybe if you keep it flexed and ready then it will be ok. Nothing hurt and I landed in Chaturanga, and then I fell flat on my face which was funny, because I was already in Chaturanga, so why did I do that. It was kind of fun to try it, I know it will be long time before I will ever be able to do it correctly, but I don't worry about that.

Some hard stuff...
....lies not only in the asanas itself ( when speaking about the physical dimention of the practice) but also in vinyasas. Sometimes when you look at the Primary Series chart, you might think at first, that thats all, and so did I but it really isn't.
Some asanas look really scary at first, like Bujapidasana. Others look impossible and complicated like Supta Kurmasana or Garbha Pidasana. Others are really scary and hard like Supta Konasana, i still cant get my legs straight and the hands are on the ground. I tried to took one off yesterday, but i quickly put it back down. ;)
Something i was really unaware of was the difficulty and variety of vinyasas and transitions provided in the Primary Series.
Some of them I'm familiar with but still work on them every day. The jump back part is like my major struggle. I don't walk my feet anymore, but they do touch the ground at some point. Jump through if far beyond my understanding yet ;) I don't know how to even attempt it.
Another transition that I had problems with was Chakrasana. At first didnt understand how one can roll directly on the neck. That was scary! (It actually still is :) I do roll now, but my legs aren't doing the right thing. They are like always bent. I don't know, I think they should stay straight.
I also saw some more advanced people do very hard vinyasas, so out of curiosity, because I was introduced to one of this break a neck things yesterday, I sat myself and watched YouTube video of Primary Series with Guruji. So I saw: the exit of Bujapidasana, heheh, my god, they straighten the legs, and then go to Bakasana, and from there jump back... And then they do Garbha Pidasana, they roll, take the hands out and jump back FROM THE LOTUS, like, DIRECTLY. I also saw the full exit from Virabadrasana and I was like, yeah right. :) I don't want to even mention jumping into Bujapidasana. :)
Anyhow, not everything is stated on the Primary Series chart so beware ;)

Supta Kurmasana revelations
Yesterday I experienced some small successes in Supta Kurmasana. The teacher said I should try to at least cross the legs in front of my head, and I did it.
But then she took it behind my head, she let go, and they STAYED, they didn't slip down. :))) yay. That's like the first time it ever happened.
Today, Supta Kurmasana demystification continued. I came to the studio with a will to ask how can I enter, and is it possible that I enter Supta Kurmasana on my own. Meaning, can I place legs behind my head on my own? When lying down. Cause they go there, I just don't if it's possible to put them there by myself.
I actually didn't ask, but it got the answer. So the teacher said today there are two ways you can enter. Either lying down you put the legs as high as you can, so the shins are almost on the shoulder blades, and you take left with hand, put it back, and then try to wiggle in the right on top. Wiggle in is the right term, with some swaying from side to side involved. :) So I tried that way, and it actually worked. (Only for a short moment before the entire construction fell apart and exactly in moment when I finally found my hands :D )
She also said there is another way, you can sit down, and put your legs behind your head, and then go down. I can try that maybe tomorrow. I unfortunately can envision another face plant. Oh well, things happen. :)

Dropbacks revolution
Today I dropped back on my own, for the first time. With the teacher standing in front of me. Actually it wasn't scary. I just feel that I should relax my elbows more or bend it a little, since the moment of hitting the ground was a little to hard. Should be more controlled.  I dropped like that twice then one with assistance. I also tried to get up but it didn't work yet :) then we did this drop backs with arms on chest, then we dropped back again, stayed for 5,  then I think again. I don't know. I counted something close to 10 drop backs today.
Hopefully everyone is fine and enjoying their practice. Wish me luck with getting up at 6am tomorrow, and going to the bus stop in this snow and cold. :)
Joanna

Tangible peace

Hello guys!
Short and peaceful post today. ;)

I decided to write about it to see if someone else have ever experienced something like that, or just to share this quite an amazing experience (at least for me).
No, i didn't put my leg behind my head (not for next 15 years if I'm lucky, so come back then if you waiting for it) do a scorpion handstand (not in this lifetime, I would have to reincarnate first) , not even any "elementary" thingy.
Couple of days ago, i experienced something weird during the practice. (I probably overuse the world weird but I like to use it when I don't know what I'm taking about or I don't know any other better world).
I'm pretty nervous person and it's difficult for me to ease the mind chatter during practice, at least most of times.
So I was just standing waiting "in line " for teacher to do the back drops, my hands crossed over my chest. It was fully packed Saturday class, with about 2 cm in between each mat, so the wait was long but i didnt mind. White i should probably pull my focus inward I started observing other people practicing. It was actually really touching to see so many people practice at the same time, with dedication. At that moment I felt a wave of pure peace hitting me so hard that I actually felt it was physical. And the focus turned inwards naturally. I have never experience something like that before, and I almost felt like crying there. It was like a glimpse of what my life could be. It could be peace. It was like a click of some sort of calm understanding. Something became so calm, and obvious and it enter my focus and all the fear went out of focus. I was like, what was that? I was left is blank and calm and easy. It felt so real and tangible!  Overflow of calm and balanced energy.
And I wasn't even doing any asana, I was just standing there and breathing.

So one could ask, "so you were so peaceful how did the back bends go? "
I would say "Yeah, I was so peaceful that I wasn't afraid at all, so I just fell on my head. (And nothing happened). "
Just kidding, my inner comic never sleeps :)

Anyhow, coming back to serious, wanted to share this experience with you guys. A little freaky but my own :)
Enjoy your practice :)
Joanna

Inviting the-day-off in

Hello everyone,
So how can I start.
Today the post will be about the hard capability of accepting yourself as you are on any given day. I will also relate to the my problem of problematic day off. ;)
I've read some stuff from articles, and books, watched some videos - a lot of which of related to not cranking into postures, not forcing anything, listening to ones body, giving it the necessary   time so it can open, etc, etc.
 While I think it is all true, and something we should look at, at the same time I found an area of yoga that I applied some mental, rather than physical forcing. I have no idea if it's not "a yogic sin" ;) but  I do know that if I didn't use the force (especially when dealing with my extreme kind of personality), I might just as well hurt myself.

So first thing I forced in was a day off.
Once upon a time, (about a month ago) teacher asked me at the end of Mysore class if I take one day off during a week. (Man, i must have looked real tried ;). I though for a second and said, yes, I take Thusdays off. Which is true cause, on Thursday I start my teaching very early, so there is no way I could get to class even if I would come at 6:40 am. (I tried once and I failed to arrive on time to teach).
So, I went home that day, looked back at the calendar, to verify my Thursday off. Last Thrusday I was off. I smiled. The Thursday before, i didn't go to Mysore. I almost smiled here. But then I scrolled down. And I saw Primary Series Led class that I attended at 7:30 pm. And the Thrusday before. I not only went to Mysore, bending my teaching schedule, I also was at Primary Series Led class at 7:30. And I was like, Thursdays off, huh? ;)
(And I also violated the second Yama by lying to the teacher ;) and myself.
bad "yogi".just kidding. ;)
So then i was like day off, ok. I take the day off. So from that time i do not appear in studio on Thrusdays. I belive its for my own good, and stuff. Its hard transition from the dance world! I never heard anyone in ballet studio or in Cunningham studio to tell me to take a day off. I don't remember actually if I had any day off there, like on regular basis.  (Maybe that's part of a reason of coming down with some injuries?). I know it must be important to take the day off. I mean it feels right to the body. Like yesterday. On Monday I was already so sore I could not do Bujapidasana with my arms and wrists giving me some throbbing pain. Also the twisting for Marichyasana D somehow flattens my shoulder so much that then I can feel weird pain, like it was from a bone. So I was like, hey, Joanna, you get to sleep in tomorrow !
Today I went to Mysore and all the pain was gone, especially the wrist pain. (Yay for Bujapidasana today, that I actually lowered down and stayed there ! :) hi hi).
And I though, ok, now I understand the day off. ;)

Another thing that I have to force, was a force, to actually not force.
(How very clear was that ;)
It is so tempting when you fall out of posture, like I did fall out of Bujapidasana, to get up and try again. I think it's great, when you are ok and there is no pain. But when everything like seriously hurts, you just gotta let it go for a day. It is much easier to take a day off, then to deal with a pain during practice and actually not force your body into something that you cannot do today.
On Monday I also could not stay for 5 full breaths in Kukkutasana. It was also hard to accept. My arms deffinetly did not feel like trying again. For a moment I was like, how can I live now without doing full Kukkutasana today. And then I was like, are you crazy? ;) i almost started to laugh at myself. I just let it go, let flow. Let it be that way today. In that kind of moments, one can clearly see, that yoga really isn't. only about asana. It's only one limb, the most tangible at first, but only one. For me its like a mirror for everything else.
May I finish on that philosophical note  ;)
Enjoy your practice, your fall outs AND your day off !
Joanna :)

New Years, Old Years, gratitude, Uddiyana Bandha, tortoises and more ......patchwork post!! :)

Hi guys,
So, welcome in 2014!
I think it is far more than great that the New Year and the New Moon falls on the same day. That way we will miss only one day of practice :) (that calls for freeeeak ;).
Did anything special yesterday? Well, yes, I came down with cold. Than it turned out that the teacher is also sick and there is no Mysore class, only self practice. I wanted to go anyways, but I woke up with slight fever. So I though I will stay home and do the practice here, and see how far my body will manage. I actually did everything (until Urdva Mukha Paschimottanasana, my latest addition to the fun), but i only did two brigdes, cause i had this "cold muscle cramps" especially in my arms.
It was actually kind of special, I did the entire practice at home for the first time. I don't like to practice at home, there is so much that always distracts me. Luckily there is no need for that most of times - I'm lucky to be able to go to the studio every day except Thursdays, which is, therefore my day off from yoga ( sad face here ).  BUT Hadn't been particularly distracted by anything today, somehow it was easier to concentrate, at least easier than the last time i tried. The  only distraction that presented itself, was the cat throwing his mouse toy on my mat but it was rather funny. Also we almost crashed when I tried to jump back, as I didn't notice he lied down at the end of the mat. Luckily he has some reflex and "jumped back" as well ;) He was so cute when i was lying down in savasana, he came and put his face on mine, I don't know if he was checking if I was alive or what. :) Also I had no mat, since my mat is in school so I took a random rug so that I won't slip and put my towel on top of it, wasn't bad at all.
Before I'm gonna get to all this new year hongie pongie, I have to say couple of other things.
First, I have to tell you I started to discover the role of Uddiyana Bandha in various asanas. Usually I would push with legs, or arms, and then the main thing I would forgot and there is no way I could get or stay in some of the postures. Main thing, that is, keeping the core strong. Let me give you couple of examples.
Downward facing dog - it seemed to me that i only have to push with the arms. As an effect, after the class, it was hard for me to lift a bottle of water. One day I remembered, oh, drishti on the navel. That was kind of enlightment!  And I was like, o-ooo, man, that stuff there is like totally loose. Actually engaging core helped me very much not only with the arm pain, but also with flattening the lower back area and provided strenght from another source.
Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana - I mean this posture is mind struggle for me, but within this struggle, there is no better aid than remembering about your core. And the hip that should not be sticking out. But the core helped me to stop wobbling.
Paschimattanasana. It's seems like an easy asana, but it isn't. Once again... I was pulling with my arms to deepen my forward bend, but how will that help if all of my stomach is inflamed like a New Year ballon? I actuall felt it works better if you not only lift up with the core but also, pull with the core, not hands. I obviously have no idea if it's technically correct to do that but it deffinetly helped me to go deeper into the posture when the teacher is not assisting or I practice by myself.
Marichyasana, especially D. I deffinetly recommend for anybody who is attempting and has problems with this posture, to watch this video.
Marichyasana D
Only than I realized that I don't actually lift up and around, instead sit down and there is no way I could ever bind if I don't keep my guts together ( like ,literary :). Keeping Uddyana Bandha really helps to create more space for arm to bind.
Other than core strength I also find the positioning of the half lotus and the standing foot crucial. With that all I manage to get my hand a little around  the leg, and on the right side I sometimes manage to touch my fingers. Seriously, watch the video.
Also Sirsasana. Keeping the core strong helped me to not only stop swaying on sides (unfortunately I still do :). It helped me to feel safe in the position, trust my body that it has the strenght to hold itself upside down. So one can say that the physical aspect of that asana helped the mental aspect of asana. Which is kind of cool to realize. It actually works in the reversed order to. I believe that strong mind can also support strength of the body.


 When talking about Uddiyana Bandha, I was a little like, hymm, but how. I would confuse it with Uddiyana Kriya, which I found difficult to incorporate in asana practice. Nothing weird, how was I suppose to breathe, when one has to be on the exhale? Now thanks to pranayama class, and Kino, I became aware that actually Uddiyana Bandha is that lift of core that you keep through the practice and Uddiyana Kriya is a cleansing exercise. Watch that for reference, very well explained.
Difference between Uddiyana Bandha and Kriya
I know that ashtanga yoga is not only asana (i educated myself enough to know it has 8 limbs... Still can name only 4 but we have 2014 for the rest of "Sanskrit study" right, ;). But every time something happens, like I get to bind, or I lift up in something I didn't do before for the first time I can't help to be excited. And I have to share.
So 2 days ago, I experienced my first bind in the Supta Kurmasana without assistance of the teacher. I bind only 3 fingers to three fingers (yes, I counted, so what ? :D ) I got excited obviously. That helped me to bind:
Supta Kurmasana

Then yesterday I had my first "flying"  moment of Kukkutasana ( one if the postures that I thought I will never do by myself). I rolled, put the hands and im up!  It lasted about 2 seconds. And I was woo-haaaa! No teacher assistance!  (And then i fell hard on my butt :)

Yeah, anyway. So let's get back to this New Year thingy.
2013 was really exiting and weird and first and foremost, I would say, transformational. It was a lot about looking for a path. Looking for what I'm interested in. Trying to stay true to myself.
One of the things that I realized last couple of months is that doing things without passion, it's quite a bad idea. It's always good to give things some rest, and the passion will come, the way with show itself. But for it to show itself, it's not an easy task. Nothing will come up out of doing nothing. One has to actively search and remain open.

I've always been a dancer and I also loved to choreograph. It's become natural thing for me, that this is my passion. From some time I noticed myself doing just because I had to do something. If I don't do anything, my body doesn't move, my mind isn't active and I am not around people, I don't feel well. I become very depressed and I feel useless. But the thing is, that concerned me, that I have no passion about it for now, that I have no clear message, that I'm tired of competitiveness even in the field of new dance. There were many factors that I don't want to detail now, that wore me off and drained me. I had no longer heart for dance or choreography at least not now. That's why I took decision to let it rest, and the next week I came to Astanga Yoga Studio, because I simply had to move. I decided to give yoga another go. And that time, I loved it from the start, from the very first class I took.
What I'm really grateful for, the last couple of months, is that passion was awoke again, this time in field of Ashtanga Yoga. I know it sounds ridiculous to some after only 2-3 months or regular practice, but i feel i found my life practice here. It's a perfect connection of physicality and spirituality that I had been searching for, and I finally found it.
Coming back to passion, there is no way I could be passionate about yoga if I didn't found a place with people so passionate about it. It is truly contagious.
What I wish for 2014?
I wish everyone would find their passion, and found a way to share it with others.
I wish for myself that my "beginner passion" and initial excitement won't fade and that I keep up with the practice.
That's all I can wish for on this New Year day.
I hope you will have a good one.
And also, congratulations to anybody that came that far in reading this 5 km long post :)
Joanna