Changing my mind

(No, I did not "changed my mind" and stopped practicing, quite the opposite ;) getting more and more into it.

So,
Hello,
I almost finished re-reading "Guruji". I had this need to do so, as I read it almost 2.5 months ago and now I have a little different perspective on things, and wanted to read some stuff again ( That way also read Kino's "Sacred Fire" 3 times ;)
Anyway, I've been looking for some reference for changes that I see in myself, or are just beginning to develop. I also been browsing the web, looking at other peoples blogs or articles and enjoying seeing other people perspective.

Changing my mind.... You mean MY mind?    That can take a lot of work man.
Sometimes (most of times), I think that my mind is so entangled, that I will never untangle it. Impossible is nothing though, cause I already noticed some tight knots loosening...
I'm not sure though how did it all happen. I read a lot about the transformational work the practice does to our body and mind. I know Yoga  Chikitsa is yoga therapy, body cleansing and I know Nadi Sodhana is nervous system purification. I know it's all even scientifically proven, but I don't know how exactly does it work. I just know that it works. :)
Seriously, if it didn't work, why would I do that?
That's why I also got some perspective on why did I never got hooked on yoga before. Because, it just didn't work. And when something doesn't work, I just drop it.
So anyway, here is something happening to me. I can read whatever I want, for inspiration but I believe is the practice itself that does all the change.


Nervousness and morning nausea
It's been something that's been bothering me like forever now. I got up at the morning, every morning, with terrible nausea. It was not because of anything that I ate. No matter what I would eat, I feel like that. I knew, it was stress. From about 2.5 months now, I didn't have it ONCE. I mean, I felt sick for other reasons, but then I knew that I was not nervous, I was just sick because I ate something, or whatever. I used to dread mornings so much because I was afraid I will get sick. It also had to do with me having bad associations with mornings from when I was a child. I was thinking if I put something positive in the morning, it will change.  Now mornings are my favorite part of a day. I don't know if it's also not like yoga would remove some of big amounts of stress that been hanging over me, in some magical way that I can't explain yet ;) I don't know, it's only that all the morning sickness is gone.

Hard situations, conflicts, interactions  & peace
Everyone has them. Doesn't have to be a disaster, but even a little argument or rude stranger, that can put you off for an entire day. Or problem that is in your head, doesn't let you rest. Or a delusional problem that is in your head.
I would react quickly, say things I regreat, heat the conflict even more, and make myself even more nervous than I was before.
For whatever reasons, and however it happened... Whenever something's sets me off, I take a step back. I prefer to not say anything than to say something that will only stir up more. I obviously don't want someone to step on my head, but I don't raise my voice and act as calm as I can. I try to always think of Ahimsa and compassion, although it's really hard to have a compassion towards someone who is really mean to you. I just remember that this person is also suffering for whatever reasons, and replace the anger with compassion. I think it's really hard, but worth trying. I think there is enough of anger and violence in the world and I deffinetly do not want to chip in to that, or add more gasoline to the fire.
I made a vow with myself, that whatever happens, I will keep my peace. I don't know how it works, and how did it came to my mind, but it works.

The same things is with delusional problems that I sometimes invent when I'm bored ;) I try to not panic but welcome them with peace. The same is fear. I sort if learned to face it. It seems like I had this ideas in my mind before but I just felt like I have no tools or no idea how to apply it. It feels like yoga gave me those tools, I just don't know how.... :)


Patience Incorporated Ltd. ;)
One little thing I got, and I kind of know how did it got it is more patience.
I think is when I can't get some posture for some time, and I keep on trying every day. It instilled this patience within, and I've noticed myself being more patient with my students. I'm really greateful for that because I really do need it every day :)

Living in now
I really try to be present at all times. It made me notice the little things that I seem to not notice before. I can smile at sunrise or sunset. I enjoy feeding birds in the area by house. I love to smile to child in a bus, or a stranger. There are so many things that make me happy and they are not in the past or future.

Laugh
I've been laughing more and more, throughout the day.
Couple if years ago I wondering if I will ever regain some of my bubbliness and simple happiness I had before some of not-so-happy happenings in my life.
I've been always trying and I never knew how to do that, how can I laugh again?
About two weeks ago, one of my regular students said, "you know, you're always happy, you're always laughing, you're always in a good mood". And then I thought, yes I am. I don't remember last day that I would not feel happy at least 50% of the day. I don't remember last day that I wouldn't laugh at least couple of times.

These are only couple of things, but these things are really important to me.
I'm really greateful for it. And I feel that the good change will continue :)
Enjoy your practice!
Joanna