Finding the nature of true happiness in Ashtanga practice

Hi everyone,
After couple of days of being in a dark place, today realizations come to me one after another. I would like to share it with you.

I spent my morning today as usuall, at the studio, first at Mysore room, then at pranayama class.
From some time, during practice, I've been battling with my mind over basically everything. The thoughts that arise during practice are usually negative self- defying thoughts, and I really did not know how to tackle them.
Recently I've been watching and reading extensive amount of things,  trying to find some solution to that, or at least some inspiration. But the true solution came to me as usual, by itself. Couple of days I had a little emotional breakdown, and I was completely, entirely, put down by all my negative views on myself. For two days (because of my day off and a moonday) I had not been practicing, but I've been trying to look deeply withing myself and see what is the root of my problem. Here is what I've come up with , and what I discovered today, when practicing.
Let's take a look at positive and negative thoughts. Let's make them equal. Let's name them pleasure and pain. For me it doesn't matter right now if there is a pleasure or pain involved. What I think I have to do, is to equally let them go. Just right away, without thinking. My strategy is as follows: the negative thought arises, I let it go. No thinking please. Move on. The same with positive. I don't know if it's harder to let go of a pleasant thought or sensation or a negative one.
They're both addictive.
They're both depending on one another.n
They're both deepening one another.
What I think one can do is to create and endure distance from both pleasure and pain.
You are beyond that. There is a subtle existence beyond that.
And beyond that is your peace.
Pain and pleasure does not constitute you.
So,
Where am I, if I'm not pain and pleasure?
Where am I, if I'm not my thoughts or emotions?
Where am I if I'm not my negative image of myself and my judgements or expectation?
Where am I if I'm not other peoples judgement or expectation.

I AM NOW.
Thats the answer to all that.
Where else could you be?
;)

Sensations make us human too at some level.
They give some taste to our lives.
But really we cannot let them rule us over.
Otherwise, they will make us go crazy and control us.
There is a space beyond them.
In this space, the peace exists,
And you can get closer to who you really are.
Dig deeper to the core of yourself.

Another thought is,
If there weren't extremes, there would not be a middle.
Similary
If there was no suffering or pleasure, the would not be peace.
But!
If there was no discomfort ,
There would be no need for change.

Thats why I'm glad that I cried my eyeballs out on Wednesday. It was necessary, so that I discover it. That I can go and not be my negative thoughts. I can totally go beyond them.

What's important though, I think one needs to discover it on your own. It's similar with a child. Tell him where to go but not say exactly where the treasure is and he will discover it buried under one of the trees.

Today, having so many realizations, I went to Pranayama class.
Towards the end, I had this amazing visualization, like a big white ball of energy would open and explode straight to my face. I felt so light, that for a moment I though I will surely levitate ;)
No but seriously, that was amazing.

For my entire life, I was convinced, partly subconsciously,  that the source of happiness is pleasure.
While now I know that the real happiness comes from inner peace, and maintaing the balance between the extrems.
It doesn't mean that now you have to avoid pleasure to not touch your inner peace too much ;)  It's impossible to live with no pain also. It means that you have to attain certain eqanimity, so that the happiness of yours does not rely on the outside force such as pain and pleasure. The happiness is inside you, no matter what.

Personally, I feel, that the access to peace is not given, or should be not taken for granted. It is something that requires constant work and raising awarness within yourself. If you feel peaceful today, it doesn't autiomatically mean that you will tomorrow. You have to work for it every step of a way. For me it is like lighting a torchlight in a dark corridor. During my practice I try to bring the light to my negative thoughts by exposing  them to the light of conciousness, and letting them go. This is work.

But it gives the happiness that is really hard to imagine!