Me want but me can't!

Hi guys!
What's up?
Me want but me can't thats what's up.
My extreme kind if personality showing itself at its " brightest".
Do you know what I mean... Or wait....
Do you have any hobbies, activities, that you like to do? I'm sort of kind of person (what a nice compilation of words ;) that either does something wholeheartedly, or doesn't do it at all. This sort of attitude can have its positive aspects as well as it's downfalls.
Let's look at the positive for a second. If I feel passionately about something, whatever it is, at that case yoga, I'm all in. I mean AAAALLLLL in. No matter what I was doing before. No matter how late would I get up before. Doesn't matter. Now I wake up 10 minutes before the alarm clock rings and, believe me, it rings 5:50 am, every single day, except of weekends, when it rings a little later. I feel enthusiastic about every single time I get to practice, and I like to embrace whatever it brings.
Sometimes this embracing isn't all too comfy.
Like now.
I tried to work on my pushy attitude, and when I say pushy, I mean pushy to myself. That attitude provided me with some extra curricular yoga (or rather non- yoga, I shall say) activities like beating yourself up for not doing a posture well today (ididityesteraywhydoidontdoittodayaaaaaaaaaaa) for not being able to grasp something quicker then my body would like... Etc etc. I must say it this moments, i felt like true yoga happened. (I read this expression somewhere on one of the yoga forums and it just fits so well here). Just if i would know whats true yoga. Because last couple of days, i proved to myself that I know very little, that I'm just at the beginning of all the things that yoga is yet going to unfold.
Why do you I think true yoga happens there? Because in the moments when I can't do something, or feel frustrated over a posture, some sort of transformation happens. What would happen if everyone could do every single posture right away? I think it would be a shame. I think it would not only take "all the fun " out, and by fun I mean learning process, trying process, falling process. And maybe ever first and foremost, the frustration, and beating yourself up process. Now, who can tell me, they never beat themselves up? Even if it was a subconscious second somewhere in the darkest place of our minds. Even if it was something you consciously ignored. Why do I think it is of value? Because once the challenge is presented by the mind, the mind is the one blocking entire process. Once the blockage is identified, one can start working in removing it! How cheerful?
Yes, but actually, how hard, to work on that frustration. That attitude towards yourself, that thinking, that came "out of nowhere", that you simply CAN'T do something.
For me it was all the matter if letting go. Of not tensing everything up. And some postures came exactly at the moment I was able to let go of doing it perfectly.
Well, now I believe that once you master that on your mat, you can bring it "to life".
It's easier piece of information than only a theory, because it's already processed in some ways. That's why I call it true yoga, because it causes a transformation that is not merely physical, but internal, if not spiritual.
In the midst of all that, it does help to have a good teacher, and I've been lucky enough to finally find one that's really good. It took a lot of time and juggling around yoga studios and different styles if yoga, both in US and in Poland.

So what happened today? I'm currently working though some serious frustration. Everybody who knows me is aware that when I do nothing I go bananas. I just can't bear having one on one date with my mind! That's why the period of me being ill or sick is a much dreaded time if my existence on this earth. Now, I've been deprived of yoga yesterday. In the evening I felt good already, so I decided to play it by ear and see how I feel in the morning, and then maybe go.
Now, a decision to not go to yoga because I'm sick, seems easy. But not to me, no no no. ;) I mean it's logical right. Your body tells you rest, and you rest. As the information from body is straight and easy to read out, the only thing that my mind offers in that kind of situation is never ending chatter of self-defying thoughts.
My mind wants me to do stuff at all times. It doesn't  care how do I feel any given day but it orders me to do, and do and do. Moreover, it says, that if I don't do, I'm most likely a failure. So here goes the downfall of my overenthusiastic nature.
Today was a lesson also. I got up, feeling alright. I decided on taking a medication that helped me yesterday on an empty stomach which was a BAD idea. When I went out of a house, I felt immediately sick. I could have gone back right away. But no, my mind is telling me I have to go. So I go :) I almost throw up in the bus. So I made it to the yoga studio and back in less then 50 minutes, obviously not doing a class, being sick to my stomach.
My mind already asks me if my body will feel better tomorrow. My body said it doesn't know, probably yes, but cannot promise anything.
So my mind said it will wait. Although it's second day of no yoga.
Or am I doing some yoga by accepting this?
;)